It started for me in my late teens in the early nineties. This is when anxiety first really started to impact my life and I began to have panic attacks as well as avoiding certain situations for fear of having an attack. Situations which I couldn’t avoid - and that could trigger me - would leave me with crushing anxiety for days and even weeks. Typically, I didn’t tell anyone and it felt like I was the only person experiencing what I was going through.

I found something that helped. I noticed that if I drank alcohol my anxiety would vanish. I didn’t drink everyday, but when I did, it would be to excess. The feeling of release from the grip of anxiety meant that I didn’t want to return to sobriety and the calming refuge of alcohol felt like a safe place where I could feel normal. During a hangover the anxiety would return with vengeance and I would often begin to drink to escape it again.

This cycle continued through my 20’s and 30’s although things did improve when I became a father and I managed to reduce my drinking binges. The breakdown of the marriage to the mother of my daughters saw my mental health take a turn for the worse. Not seeing my children everyday meant my anxiety became more acute than ever and my binges returned, until one day I was supposed to take my eldest daughter to a pantomime but was too hungover to do so. I gave up drinking that day. I didn’t want to let my children down.

I met a new partner and my life improved dramatically. My mental health was so much better and I began to feel settled for the first time in my life. Unfortunately that relationship broke down a few years later without any warning signs and after five years of sobriety and good mental health, I began to go downhill rapidly. I didn’t tell anybody about how much I was suffering and in 2019 I ended up in intensive care after a suicide attempt. I was in a coma for six weeks and my family were told that I wouldn’t make it through the night on numerous occasions.

My friends and family all rallied around and have provided support that has helped me rebuild my life. I had friends that I could text if I was having a bad day and I would get an instant call to help me.

I am now in a new relationship and I talk in depth about my mental health with my partner whenever I am struggling. My friends are all aware of my needs and are always there for me, as are my family. Being open and honest about my mental health and talking to my support network has changed my life. If you are struggling please talk to someone, it really makes a huge difference. If you think that your friends don’t want to hear your problems, believe me they do. They would much rather listen to your issues than receive the call my family and friends did in 2019.